then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
