I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
