He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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