So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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