The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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