Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
