just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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