i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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