Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize