It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
