There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
