Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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