whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
