IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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