He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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