I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
