I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
