we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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