After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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