Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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