The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
