lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I FOUND THE LEGS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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