I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
