how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am naked and annoyed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
