I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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