I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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