i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
