Screwed.edu
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
