Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize