I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
