How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
