I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
