You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you will always have a special place in my vag
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
