Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
