I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
