My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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