I got chris browned last night
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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