Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
