oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
