Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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