He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
