if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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