I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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