She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
