I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He passed out mid-signature
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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