People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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