and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
