just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
