yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize