??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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