I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
