at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
