Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
