I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
