I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
