You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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