Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
