That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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