curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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