Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
