I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i out mim tonsoeep
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