The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
