she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
