I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
