I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
