the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
