I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
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