Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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