ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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