I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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