Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
