you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
