The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
