Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
