I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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