I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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