i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize