Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
