It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
