i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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