i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
