So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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