As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
