I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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