Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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