Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
