I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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