no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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