In the future we'll all be gay
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
