ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize