Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's always time for handjobs
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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