hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
