i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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