I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
