I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
