Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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