i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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