I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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