There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
