I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
