i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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