My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
