guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
