I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
